I rarely see doctors, visit the hospital, or take medication. I don’t even take aspirin for a headache. So, as you can imagine, my visit to the ER last night was more interesting to me than it would be to the average person.
First, I’m fine, so stop your worrying. I’m always fine … as I’d explain to the doctors later.
I started experiencing vertigo in the morning but did nothing about. (I don’t go to doctors. Remember?) Every now and then, I’d get dizzy, and it wasn’t until the afternoon that I pinpointed the cause. Tilting my head upwards would cause the room to spin. So, in my expert medical opinion, I decided to keep my head titled downward. Problem solved, right?
End of the Work Day
I was the last to leave the office, and no one had any idea I had a problem. Of course, most of my problems are psychological, so no one bothers to look for them. They’re hidden. Anyway, when I sit into my car, I get a blast of vertigo that one shouldn’t ignore. What did I do? I ignored it, of course. (If you didn’t guess that, please start reading from the beginning of this post. You apparently missed some important information in your first reading.)
I started to drive, and in no more than 5 seconds, my right hand and right foot started tingling. Even I know that this is stroke-like, so I said, “Ok Google. Where’s the nearest hospital?” Google pointed me to a couple of wrong places, but eventually I found myself at an urgent care facility. My blood pressure and blood sugar were surprisingly good. I passed the stroke test, so they called an ambulance.
The doctor at urgent care and the paramedic instantly had some tension. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but I found it amusing. The paramedic asked me what I do for a living, and I told her I focus on real estate law. For most of the trip, I helped her with a legal issue. Her ex-fiance refuses to leave the house she owns with him, and she asked for advice on what can be done. It’s what I do.
They ran me through stroke tests for the third time in about two hours. Still no evidence of a stroke. My guess is that my stroke symptoms were psychosomatic (i.e., self-induced). I really hate that about people. Even really smart humans like me are ultimately just dumb shits. Without anything to go on, they decided to give me an MRI just to be on the safe side. After all, doctors are afraid of people in my line of work. Better to be safe than sorry. I explained to them, however, that an MRI was out of the question. I warned that the adamantium fused to my skeleton would come flying out of my body causing quite the mess. I’d heal rapidly, of course, so I wasn’t concerned for myself; I was concerned for their expensive equipment and the MRI tech in the blast radius.
Absolutely no one got the joke. No one. How is that possible? I don’t read comic books, but he’s a character in movies everyone has seen. Geez.
They told me to put on one of those gowns, saying I could keep my underwear on. I replied that was a good thing because a butt as nice as mine could end marriages. Obviously, that joke failed too, but this time it was my fault.
So I get into the MRI, and making good on her promise, the MRI tech pumped in 80s music. It was awesome. Because I had to look straight ahead, I took the the time to test peculiarities of human vision, looking at a spot on the ceiling of the MRI and watching how the images in my periphery changed. (I’m weird.) There’s one thing about which they don’t warn you: My nose began to itch badly, and I couldn’t scratch it.
The final diagnosis is a heavy case of vertigo coupled with make-believe evidence of stroke. And fake brain cancer. I’m pretty sure I have fake brain cancer too. And fake pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. Why not? I was given a prescription for some meds and sent on my way. I had to drive to get my meds than get home, but that’s the last I’m supposed to drive until Tuesday.
Apparently, I’m supposed to take a day off from work. I have my first doctor’s note since elementary school! I already feel like I can work, though. I have no symptoms and haven’t taken my meds today. (No, this is not me being me, refusing medical care. The meds are to be taken “as needed.”) It would be nice to use this as an excuse to take a day off from work, but my boss is on Facebook.
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Edit: This is what my Facebook feed looked like. Hmmmm….
A recent Supreme Court opinion interprets a provision of the Truth-in-Lending Act (“TILA”) favorably to borrowers. Most borrowers are aware of the three-day right of rescission: For most federally-insured mortgages on a primary residence, the transaction isn’t considered effective until three business days after the closing (i.e., the signing of all of the final loan documents), as the borrower enjoys an absolute right to rescind the loan. However, there’s another type of rescission available under TILA, and that’s what was at issue in the case. Lenders are required to issue certain disclosures to potential borrowers prior to the actual closing. This reduces the ability of the lender to surprise a borrower with hidden fees. If the lender fails to make the required disclosures, the borrower has three years to notify the lender that he wishes to rescind the loan.
The question before the Supreme Court in Jesinoski v. Countrywide Home Loans, Inc. was whether the borrowers were required 1.) to file a lawsuit within three years, or 2.) merely notify the lender in writing of their intention to rescind. The trial court and Eighth Circuit sided with Bank of America, but the Supreme Court reversed. In an uncharacteristically short, five-page opinion, Justice Scalia pointed out that the language of the statute required merely notification and not the filing of a lawsuit. Bank of America claimed that cases where disclosures were missing should be treated differently from cases where, as in Jesinoski, the disclosures were made but their sufficiency was questioned, inferring such a distinction from a neighboring subsection of TILA. The Court was not convinced, noting that while Section 1635(g) allowed for the possibility of a lawsuit, it didn’t have any language requiring one.
It’s a shame that the borrowers in this case were required to fight all the way to the Supreme Court to enforce a statutory provision that clearly allows them a practically cost-free means to do so, but at least you won’t have to fight so hard if you find yourself in their position.
For more on the Court’s opinion, you can read it here.
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As I mentioned in my last post, I’m bedridden (sort of) this weekend. So, I took advantage of my new Netflix account and watched a bunch of video. Among that video was the entire first season of Breaking Bad. It was pretty good, but not yet “the greatest show ever on TV.” It’s also not what I expected. Most of the first season was about coping with cancer rather than cooking meth. This isn’t a bad thing; it’s just an observation and not what I expected.
There’s one glaring issue I have with it, and this is a spoiler, so you should stop reading now if you, like I, plan to start watching this show after it’s gone off the air.
It seems like Walter White has a strange sense of pride. He’s too proud to take money from his rich friends, but not so proud that he won’t become a major meth dealer, harming the public and risking losing everything for his family. I think I get it: Walter doesn’t want to inconvenience any of his family or friends over something that can’t be fixed, but again, Elliott wouldn’t even notice the missing money. Personally, I’d take the pride-bullet on taking money from someone who won’t miss it rather than risk spending the last few months of my life in prison. How would that be good for his wife and kids? It seems like taking Elliott’s money is an easy fix with no noticeable post-death consequences. The problem is avoidable.
Yeah, I know that you’re thinking. “But Rob, then we wouldn’t have a TV show!” Yes we would. The writers chose to place this into the storyline. All they’d need to do is leave it out. No one would have noticed, because not too many people have a super-rich friend. From a “meta” standpoint, the problem is also avoidable.
Despite my nitpicking, this is a pretty good show, and from what I understand, it’s going to get even better.
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I’m on bed rest for the rest of this long weekend due to a strained calf. I’ve had this injury before, so I’ll be fine. In my free time, I’ve decided to take advantage of my new Netflix account and watch some stuff I’ve missed. First up: Dr. Strangelove.
I’d heard that Dr. Strangelove was filmed to fool one of the primary actors (Edit: It was George C. Scott) into believing it was a serious film. The actor didn’t want to do a comedy, so Kubrick said he was filming only a few comedic scenes to keep the actors from going stir crazy.
The attempts at humor were too few and far between, and some of those attempts failed (or at least failed to stand the test of time). Because it was effectively a half-assed attempt at each (i.e., comedy and drama), it failed at both. Sure, it had its moments, and it’s fodder for pop culture references, but overall I could have done without it.
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We’ll never vote out the bastards as long as we vote for people solely based on whether they have a ‘D’ or ‘R’ next to their name. If you’re going to vote on a single qualification, it should be on character, which is not party-dependent. It’s also not dependent on whether someone says, “fuck,” or ever went to therapy. All of us do things like that. Those that appear not to do these things are just good at hiding it. Don’t punish people for stupid things. Try to elect a peer, not an ideal. Ideals are make-believe.
It’s too bad no one is really listening to this.
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What most people miss in sociopolitical discussions is as follows: The bases for your views are a) your anecdotal experiences, and b) what the media reports. A is scientifically meaningless. B is biased towards sensationalism. Neither provide an accurate view of the populace.
You can certainly generalize about politicians, but that’s like picking on a one-legged person for being slow. The target is too easy and the argument is a strawman. Generalizing about regular people of a certain type is always inaccurate, unfair, and counterproductive.
Be better than that.
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